stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
