I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
