I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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