In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
