Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
