I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
