the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She told me I should be a condom model.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
