Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
