she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
