Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Two words: nipple clamps
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