I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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