hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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