he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
