I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
