I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
