yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
