Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What changed your mind?
Being sober
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
