Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
