can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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