I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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