I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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