I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
