I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
