Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
