so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
