We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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