it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
