96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I party with great urgency now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
