imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
