really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
