morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
