if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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