At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
