Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
