if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
