i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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