Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's always time for handjobs
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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