You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
