He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
