Jerry, you need to find god
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
