I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
