dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
