I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
