Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
