I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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