omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
