I love black thongs
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
