I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize