I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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