so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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