so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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