You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
