Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
