i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
