dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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