Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
