shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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