so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
