watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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