She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize