At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
