Non-Jews are for practice
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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