best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
