so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
