The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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