Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize