Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
